I have written here more than once about the value of projects in old age. Simone de Beauvoir says pursuing a project is essential. Some people have long term projects that they continue to pursue (thinking of my husband and his study of Greek), while others are encouraged to learn a language or new instrument.
In a published dialogue, Jorges Borges talks a little about his own project for old age. At the time, he was about to turn 85 and just a couple of years from his death. He says that he used to want to be a “fascinating tragic character but not anymore”:
I resign myself to not being interesting, to being insipid, but also on being serene or trying to be serene which is no less important. Serenity is something to aspire to always. Perhaps we do not attain it completely but it’s easier to attain in old age rather than youth. And serenity is the greatest good. That is not my original idea – the Epicureans and the Stoics thought that there were no original ideas. But, why not emulate those illustrious Greeks? What more could we want?
Various cultures have held out the idea of serenity in old age. Elderly Buddhists have a practice called “going forth” as sannyasin, holy old beggars. In the Middle Ages, older people often retired to convents or monasteries to find God before they died. One might remember Queen Guinevere retiring to the convent after the death of Arthur, to “repent and find God.” In our culture, the ideal of serenity has been crowded out by bucket lists, senior activity centers, “educational” cruises, and exhortations for the old to keep busy in any number of ways.
For some reason this notion of serenity in old age got me thinking about the trope of the “swan song.” It shows up in Ovid, Aesop, Aeschylus and Plato, who has Socrates say this as he is about to face his death: “You seem to think me inferior to the swans in prophecy. They sing before too, but when they realize that they must die they sing most and most beautifully.” Biologists tell us that this is not true, but it shows up again and again, and is a phrase still much in current use to describe the last performance of an actor or singer, or the last speech of a politician.
One of the most famous madrigals of the Renaissance was “The Silver Swan” by Orlando Gibbons:
The silver swan, who living had no note,
When death approached, unlocked her silent throat;
Leaning her breast against the reedy shore,
Thus sung her first and last, and sung no more:
“Farewell, all joys; O death, come close mine eyes;
More geese than swans now live, more fools than wise.”
The last line makes it perfect for our time. There has been much discussion about whether the song is a song of joy or of resignation. I would hope that it was both – joy in the life and resignation to the reality of old age and death. But, that brings us back to serenity.
Science tells us that the swan song is a myth and not based in any kind of reality. There is also disagreement about whether the swan sings so sweetly because it is about to shrug off the challenges of life or because life has been so good. I would like to think that the swan sings because it has finally discovered that serenity is the answer to life and to death. As worries are about to vanish, our swan wonders why he had ever worried.
This brings me to one of my favorite Schopenhauer passages:
There is only one inborn error, and that is the notion that we exist in order to be happy… So long as we persist in this inborn error… the world seems to us full of contradictions. For at every step, in things great and small, we are bound to experience that the world and life are certainly not arranged for the purpose of maintaining a happy existence… hence the countenances of almost all elderly persons wear the expression of what is called disappointment.
Schopenhauer can be a depressing old coot, but he points out why we should look for serenity instead of happiness. Serenity involves renouncing happiness in favor of acceptance. And serenity is defined as the state of being “calm, peaceful, and untroubled.” Tranquillity is also “a peaceful, calm state,” but it is “without noise, violence, worry.” Tranquillity is the absence of trouble; serenity is not letting trouble bother us. I cannot remake the world so that it is tranquil, but I can live in the world in a state of serenity. Or so I hope.
I have always craved serenity, peace. Who hasn’t? I have written many stories where the characters find a level of peace. Once upon a time stories. I want it for real. If you want to read a story about old age projects in search of serenity you might look at “A Spoonful of Sugar” or “Again and Again and Again.” But in these stories, the search is oblique. I want something more direct.
So that is my major project for the next segment of my old age. I will still write here, practice piano, go to French classes, and try to get enough exercise. But above all, I want to find serenity. And perhaps renounce the avoidable things that steal it away. I’ll give you progress reports.
When I Come To Be Old 